Hey, That's Me!
by Lunar Iris
Summary: Another of Urahara's not-so-brilliant idea creates havoc in Soul Society and Karakura. Will everyone return to normal before something terrible happens? Warning: crazy/crack pairings may result as a consequence.
1. Of Training and Chocolate

**Hello everyone! This is my first fanfic. I hope you enjoy it. I hadn't originally wanted to start with Ichigo and Ishida, but it seemed like a good introduction to how the story is going to go.**

**NOTE: I went back and did a bit of editing to clean things up, but it ended up making the chapter even shorter :/ Please keep in mind that everything here is all for fun, and I'm not seriously belittling any of the characters, despite my dislike for some of them, I try to not to do that. If anyone still sees rough spots in any of the chapters or if something isn't clear, please let me know. I appreciate good constructive criticism.**

**Note: I don't own Bleach! I'm not that good.**

Hey, That's Me!

Chapter One: Of Training and Chocolate

Ichigo and Ishida sat, leaning against a rock and panting, in the underground training cavern of Urahara's shop. There was never much of a temperature in the training cavern, but both dripped with perspiration. They glared at each other, taking a moment to recover from injuries received during their most recent sparring session. Kurosaki Ichigo was in his Shinigami robes, his body safe in one of the shop's rooms above, his sword propped against the rock. Ishida Uryuu was still in his school uniform, his bow rested on the ground beside him. Ichigo wiped the sweat from his brow and then tossed a bottle of water to his friendly rival.

"How dare you throw that at my head!" Ishida growled at the orange-haired shinigami.

"Hey, you're lucky I tossed you any at all, you ingrate!" Ichigo growled back. "You could at least thank me."

"You're the ingrate! I'm only here because _you_ need practice sensing reiatsu." Ishida pushed his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose.

"Why you…!" Ichigo lunged at the Quincy.

They both flashed back to their feet and put up their fists instead of grabbing their weapons. Ichigo had just attempted to give Ishida a strong right hook, when a familiar voice made him pause.

"Cut it out, you two!" Yoruichi emerged from the shadows to better referee their most recent unnecessary squabble. They backed up a few feet upon seeing the look in her eyes. Even as a cat, she was terrifying when angry. "Ishida, you're only here because Kisuke wants you to stay strong in case of another battle against Aizen and his Espada. And, humph…because he's shut himself up in his lab again with a project, I have to babysit the two of you."

"Babysit!" they chorused, in shock, both lunging toward Yoruichi. She shunpoed away with a yawn, causing the boys to collide into each other.

"Yes, the way you bicker at each other while you fight, I might as well be babysitting. Stop concentrating on beating your opponent to a pulp and try to learn from each other."

"How can I learn anything from him!" Ichigo and Ishida chorused again, each pointing at the other boy and attempting to give the black cat a death-glare.

"Stop saying the same thing as me," they chorus a third time.

"No! You stop!" they shouted a fourth time.

"Both of you stop!" Yoruichi growled her voice even gruffer since she was in cat form. She found very effective when instructing them. And, they never seemed to hesitate to say so whenever making the mistake of asking again. "If I've told you once, I've told both of you a dozen times…you can't observe your opponents' movements you have to understand how they move, how they operate…how they think."

She glared at them both, and then suddenly disappeared. They looked around frantically for any sign of the black cat. They saw a flash of black and heard a chuckle. They did not feel the pain of the scratches until she suddenly reappeared in front of them.

Ichigo winced. "Could you please not use the cat form?"

"No, I like it." She answered simply.

"Oh, come on…"

"You'd both rather I look like a female?"

They nodded.

"Without any available clothing down here? Very well then…" she paused.

"_NO_!" they shouted in horror, both the teens' faces turned bright, cherry red.

"Too easy…too easy to tease." She rolled on the ground, bursting out in sudden intense laughter.

Their faces returned to the death-glare they had given her previously and turned a deeper shade of red.

"Now, have another go at each other, and I'll send Ururu down with lunch. Fight, but behave," She scolded and rose from the ground, walking toward the exit without looking back. "I need some air. It's too stuffy down here today." She goaded.

"Stuffy!" Ichigo exclaimed and started to charge after the black cat. "Why I oughta—"

"Shut up, Ichigo!" Yoruichi cautioned as she disappeared back up into the shop.

"Yourichi-sama," Ururu greeted as the black cat emerged from the training room. Yoruichi sat at the edge of the trapdoor staring down at the teens battling away. "Um…Yoruichi-sama…" the girl tried again.

"Mmm…?" the cat replied distractedly, thinking. There must be some way to knock sense into their heads. Who knows what that is though. The little girl cleared her throat, breaking the train of thought.

"Oi! Ururu-chan! Sorry to keep you waiting. What's…hmm, is Kisuke at lunch?"

"Oh, he's still locked up in his lab. He hasn't come out for lunch. I'm worried." Ururu looked to the floor, and sniffled.

"I don't think you need to worry about him. I'll go in and check on him myself." She smiled at the girl, winding around her legs to reassure her. Ururu smiled and giggled as Yoruichi's fur tickled her skin. "Hey, little one, could you get some lunch for those two idiots down there. They'll need another break after the most recent round of trying to beat each other senseless."

"Sure thing!"

"But first, put together something for Kisuke and me. I'm sure he could use a break too."

"Of course!" Ururu smiled again and rushed off to the kitchen.

_Such a good girl_, Yoruichi though as she flashed off to the lab.

The blonde scientist was stretched out on the floor in a corner of the lab when Yoruichi came in. The two could easily sense each other's reiatsu from miles away.

"Oi Yoruichi-san!" Urahara greeted, his attention on the report he was studying.

"Lazy fool." Yoruichi said, curling up on his lap.

He did not respond right away "You know," he muttered after a while. "I find this quite odd…"

"What's new?" She received no witty. "Wait. What are you talking about?"

"You are the cat…" he chuckled.

"Hey lazy!"

"Aw Yoruichi-san," Urahara pushed back his hat, putting on a display of being hurt, his lips curled in a pout, and his eyes wide.

"Cut the crap. What have you been working for so long on in here?"

"Some defensive strategy for the next phase of the war against Aizen."

"Oh good, something useful."

"And a yummy snack."

"Oh?" Yoruichi said with mocked interest and suspicion.

"Well, maybe just a little Shinigami treat," he said with a devious smile. "For you. Inspired by you anyway…Chocolate Soul Candy!"

Yoruichi squealed with glee. It was not easy to convey her excitement as a cat. Excited at her reaction, Urahara scooped Yoruichi up in his arms and whooshed over to a lab table at the far side of the room. With a beaming smile, he inserted a few pieces of chocolate candy into a dispenser. "See!" He held it out so she could see it easily.

"You could market that easily to the Shinigami Woman's Association!"

"Yoruichi-san is a genius! And, now I can say you thought of it." He grinned mischievously. "Would you like a taste of the chocolates I used as inspiration for the design of the candy?"

Yoruichi's eyes lit up. "I thought you'd never ask!"

Urahara took a chocolate out of a small decorative box and offered it to her. Yoruichi ate it from his fingers slowly, savoring the scrumptious morsel. The blonde smirked at the enjoyment "his kitty" was getting out of the little treat. She licked the stray chocolate around her mouth, and then carefully licked away the chocolate from his fingers. He chuckled softly at the tickling of the black cat's tongue on his fingers.

"That was too good. Where did you get chocolate like that?" She said, lying down on the lab table.

"Oh, I made the chocolate too. I am supposed to be running a candy store, aren't I?"

"'Supposed to be' being the operative phrase there." She nodded. "Yes…"

He smiled his usual mockingly innocent, yet perverted, smile and then rubbed his fingers over her stomach slowly. She soon started to purr.

"Wouldn't you like to transform back? Just for a little while? Hmm… Yoruichi-san?"

"I can't." She sighed, sitting back up. "Ichigo and Ishida are down there for that training you wanted them to do, remember?"

"Ah, yes. Well…how about you transform just for a little kiss?" He reached over to the little box again, and took out the last piece of candy. "How about another chocolate?" He stood at his full height and held up chocolate in front of his face as if regarding it critically. "Do you want it?"

The cat's eyes widened, and she watched the chocolate as he moved it closer to his nose to smell, and then moved it out toward her by only a few inches. She licked her lips, and nodded, transfixed on the candy, watching every movement. He smiled widely and moved the chocolate closer to his mouth.

"Kisuke?" She inched closer, her eyes never leaving the candy.

He laughed manically and took a couple steps away from the lab table. Slowly he brought the candy closer to his mouth and held it in his teeth.

"Kisuke!" The cat yelped, half mesmerized, half enrage and leapt at him, transforming in mid-air. She barreled into his chest.

Urahara doubled over to keep from laughing and pulled Yoruichi closer, wrapping his coat around her. She bit off a piece of the chocolate he held between his teeth. "You are right," he said while chewing his half of the candy. "This is very good chocolate."

She nodded emphatically, kissing him as soon as she swallowed it. She nibbled a bit of chocolate off his lips. "Shouldn't let any go to waste. Now…" she looked at him critically. "Tell me? What have you done to it?"

Urahara gasped with mock innocence and hurt. "Whatever do you mean Yoruichi-san?"

"You know what I mean…I know you. And so I know it can't be normal soul candy. Makes me wonder if it's actually some kind of extra strength aphrodisiac."

Urahara sulked a moment, then grinned widely once again. "It's new and improved soul candy. It melts in your mouth, has no unpleasant taste, and works with a sort of time-released effect. In my last test, it lasted several hours before the sort of mirror soul that was created separated from the gigai. And, it's supposed to be more effective than the average gigai. _This_ gigai takes on the personality of the shinigami who uses it. It 'mirrors' the shinigami."

"I'm sure little Toushiro will love that. After the last one he got he'll probably think anything is an improvement."

"Yes, it was rather whiney, wasn't it."

"No, that was Toushirou when he came back to complain. But, yes the gigai was whiny, too."

"Told you! And that wasn't entirely my fault, those were special ordered." Urahara paused and gazed down at Yoruichi wrapped tightly against him. "Make sure you go put some clothes on before you go back down here."

"Right. Anything else special about the new one?"

"Well…" Urahara hesitated a moment.

"Kisuke…" Yoruichi warned.

"I'm not entirely sure what the shinigami's gigai will be capable of."

"What does that mean…?" She gave the scientist a piercing glare. "What can it do then?"

Urahara sighed deeply and slumped forward, resting his elbows on the lab table, his chin in his hands. "That's the problem, I don't know. I need test subjects. Ichigo's body just won't do anymore."

"I might have the perfect subjects for you."

**I thrive on feedback. Please Review!**


	2. Yoruichi's Shunpo Surprise

**The first chapter left quite a bit up in the air. I thought I'd hurry up and finish the next chapter, to get things going. **

**I don't own Bleach. If I did, it would probably be different. But, this weird little story is mine.**

**I have edited this chapter to clean it up.**

Chapter 2 – Yoruichi's Shunpo Surprise

Ishida shifted from one foot to the other, watching the orange haired shinigami's brow furrow more than usual. He grew impatient waiting for lunch to come down, having inadvertently skipped breakfast that morning in his haste to meet Inoue Orihime to return her math notes after his last excursion with Ichigo. She had offered him part of her breakfast, but just the listing of the first few ingredients (honey, egg omelet, and fish paste) had turned his stomach. He had scurried off with a hasty excuse about needing some important sewing supplies, after she started going on about the wonders-of-Kurosaki. He had enough of the irrational oaf of a shinigami during the trip to Soul Society. He had been coerced into being a chaperone, so Byakuya would permit Ichigo to visit Rukia while she was there for "family business".

_Come on Kurosaki_, he muttered to himself_. I have better things to do then stand here watching you pace in Urahara's basement. I would rather ask Orihime out to dinner than waste time here doing nothing._ If anything, they could talk about sewing. _Or I could offer to teach her how to cook some traditional dishes…if she would even let me._ He sighed and scolded himself for allowing his mind to wander.

Ichigo was hungry and tired of how monotonous attacking the Quincy had become. It was not as though he was going to kill his friend. Friend…calling Ishida a friend could sometimes be a bit of a stretch; but after all they went through recently, the stick-in-the-mud had grown on him. He was certainly a decent fighter. Ichigo would only admit to enjoying his fights with the Quincy. He would more readily admit to enjoying fighting hollows, especially alongside Rukia.

He had to admit to himself he would rather be with Rukia. If it wasn't for Urahara's confounded training, he would be. Shouldn't his training be against hollows? Better yet, it could be with the vizards. _We've been at this all day_, Ichigo grumbled to himself. _I'm through with the ridiculous, arrogant Quincy_. _And, I'm through with Urahara. _He absentmindedly fidgeted with the handle of his sword. Thoughts of what his inner hollow might say went through his mind.

_Right now, I'd rather have lunch than fight, _Ichigo thought again. _Actually…I was supposed to be having lunch with Rukia today! _Ichigo groaned, and glanced back at Ishida. Maybe his friend would agree to put off sparing for the rest of the day.

"I've got better things to do than stand here watching you gaze off into space. What are you waiting for, Kurosaki? Fight me already!" the Quincy broke his train of thought. Ichigo's head rose at the challenge, his hand tightening around his sword.

He heard Ishida cock an arrow to his bow. Finally, the Substitute Shinigami looked back over to where the Quincy was standing, but he wasn't there anymore. He had flashed off to a better location, probably in an attempt to get a better shot. "You are afraid you won't be able to keep up with me," Ishida goaded. Ichigo found him by ear.

"I'm not afraid of anything, idiot!" Ichigo shouted and shunpoed next to Ishida. His sword moved into position, going for the throat, just after an arrow was released. Then, the Quincy wasn't there. Ichigo flashed back across the cavernous training space. Ishida appeared an instant later just a few meters behind him, another arrow pointed at his back, ready to shoot.

"You're the idiot!" Ishida fired a round of arrows.

"Getsuga Tenshou!" Ichigo shouted, sending the blast straight at the Quincy, but he narrowly avoided it with a hirenkyaku.

Ichigo spun around searching. Suddenly, Ishida reappeared next to Ichigo, holding another arrow as a dagger and slashed at the shinigami's arm. Ichigo flashed to the Quincy's other side and swung his sword at his friend's head. Ishida ducked and disappeared once again, unscathed. He aimed his bow at Ichigo and released an entire volley of arrows.

Ichigo roared, "Getsuga Tenshou!"

"You know, if you didn't have that little stunt you'd be dead now…"

"Yeah, but I do," he smirked.

"Yes, Ishida, he does." Yoruichi reappeared between the boys. "And, Ichigo, you would have killed Ishida if not for the Quincy's ability to sense reiatsu. Don't you see? That's why Urahara wanted to the two of you to train together. Both of you have speed. Ichigo, you have brute force."

Ichigo grunted in acknowledgement, making Yoruichi roll her eyes.

"And, Ishida, you use your intuition well. Subtly different than pure instinct."

Ishida smirked, causing her to roll her eyes yet again.

"Neither of you are taking this seriously enough."

They both gawked at in utter disbelief.

"Don't give me that. Ichigo, you're still in shikai, and you haven't fought Ishida with anything over Bankai all week." She turned to the Quincy. "Ishida, you've come, and stayed, in either your school clothes or your street clothes every day. "

Ichigo and Ishida exchanged a sheepish glance. They remained silent; neither of them had anything to say for themselves, and suddenly recognized the truth of what she was saying.

"You are wasting everyone's time messing around like this. You're wasting my time. Kisuke's time. You're especially wasting your own time." She sighed to release some frustration. "Look…you're both intelligent boys," she continued, trying to encourage them at least a little bit. "_Learn_ from each other. You don't have all the answers yet. Learn from someone. If you don't I'll send…Kisuke down here to have at the both of you, after I disturb him from his research…" She smiled as they shook their heads frantically. "Or, perhaps, Tessai."

Both boys groaned.

"Or! I could ask Kenpachi to drop in?"

"No!" They both exclaimed. Her smile widened.

"Heh, that's what I thought. Just take a break then. I'm sure lunch will be down in a few more minutes."

"Yes, ma'am," they echoed, slumping back down to the ground, frowning even more at the sound of Yoruichi's fading laughter.

Sometime during the fight, a senkaimon gate had appeared in a far corner of the training space. After Yoruichi's laughter faded off into the shop above, Abarai Renji released laughter long held back, and it echoed throughout the cavernous space. Ichigo and Ishida both gave him a death glare.

"Hey, hey now," Renji said as he recovered from the laughing fit and walked over toward them. "You gotta admit that was freakin' hilarious the way she shut you up … like ..." The death glares didn't ease. "Okay, so I guess she just has that way about her." He smirked again. "Would you rather me help you out, I could probably take on the two of you at once."

The two teens glanced at each other a moment, and then back at Renji. Without taking their eyes off the red-haired fukutaichou, they simultaneously made a slow move to rise and get their weapons in hand.

Renji's eyes darted back and forth from one boy to the other, and he took a few steps backwards instinctively. "Come on now guys," he chuckled nervously. "I was just joking…really!" Ichigo and Ishida took their turn at laughing at him.

"Sit down, idiot." Ichigo gestured to a place nearby.

"Why do you have to call everyone an idiot?" Ishida asked.

Ichigo shrugged.

"Well, well … look at who we have here." Yoruichi exclaimed as she rejoined her trainees; Ururu followed closely behind carrying a couple bags. "Thanks Ururu, you can go back to work now." The girl left the bags with Yoruichi then returned to the shop. "What are you doing here Renji?"

"I'm on an errand for the Taichou. And…Rangiku found out I was coming and asked me to get her some more sake and chocolate, and some other groceries. Then Rukia learned I was coming and asked me to give something to Ichigo." He pulled out a suspiciously Chappy-shaped envelope and passed it over to Ichigo who pocketed it to look at later. "I'd stay for lunch, but…" he glanced over at Yoruichi, "Look at the time! I'm sure Kuchiki Taichou would want me to return quickly. Um…later perhaps!" He leapt up and hurried to the shop above.

Yoruichi turned toward Ichigo and Ishida, and gave them a mysterious smile. "Since you both had to be here on Valentine's Day I brought you down something," she said, and handed them each a chocolate wrapped in wax paper. "Eat it after your lunch."

They looked at her suspiciously. "It's just chocolate. Valentine's Day…chocolate…" They both nodded slowly. "Okay, well it's a little present from me to you." She smiled. "And Kisuke." She added under her breath, hoping they didn't hear.

They ate lunch in silence. Ichigo glanced over at Yoruichi once in a while, never for too long. _At least she's not a cat…and at least she's clothed, _he thought as he washed down the food with some juice. He looked at the piece of chocolate in his hand.

"What kind of chocolate is this?" asked Yoruichi.

"Dark chocolate," she smiled widely, licking her lips. "Kisuke's creation. I think there are different fillings inside."

"You want us to eat food that Urahara made?" Ishida regarded the chocolate in his hand suspiciously. "And it's supposed to help us with our training? What did Kisuke do to it?"

"He has to do something to everything he makes?" She said, clearly feigning being hurt, even on Urahara's behalf. "I mostly just wanted to give you a little present."

Ichigo stared at her a moment. She was pouting, and he didn't feel comfortable with that. She wasn't the type to pout. It was a low, womanly trick. And, she didn't usually go in for that sort of thing—she would flash people to make her point. He glanced at Ishida. He could not tell if the Quincy noticed, but the former taichou looked like she was a step away from batting her eyes. _If she does that, I think I'm running for dear life. _ "Fine, fine…" Ichigo sighed, knowing that he wouldn't get out of eating the chocolate without a fight at this point. He knew he'd be fighting anyway. "But I want to see the box."

"Here you go." She pulled a small box out of a pocket and opened it for Ichigo to see. There were four pieces left. From the look of the empty spaces, it had held six chocolates.

"You eat one," the Quincy suggested, Ichigo nodded.

Yoruichi rolled her eyes, but took a chocolate and plopped the whole thing it in her mouth. She murmured her delight and licked her lips when she finished. Ichigo watched her carefully; her enjoyment seemed genuine. After a mental count of ten passed and nothing happened, he pinched the candy and put the small nibble in his mouth. It wasn't extremely sweet and had a slightly gooey center. He closed his eyes a moment…nothing happened.

"Wow… that was really good, but I'm not a big fan of caramel." He smiled in spite of himself.

"Really?" Ishida stared at his chocolate still, and glanced at Ichigo. The shinigami substitute shrugged and nodded his approval. "Okay, then." He pinched a piece of his chocolate and ate it. He paused for a moment. "Nothing happened."

"Yes, nothing happened," Yoruichi chuckled.

"But this as a strawberry center…"

"Um…you want to switch?" Ichigo hazarded to ask, not really in the mood for caramel.

"Uh…sure?" Ishida replied hesitantly, neither looked sure about sharing chocolate with another guy.

They switched their chocolates and ate them, nodding in approval

"It was good." They both agreed.

"Yes, it is good," the woman echoed. "I'll have to tell Kisuke he has two more admirers of his chocolate. Since you were both such good sports-"

"You're going to let us leave?" Ichigo tried.

"Haha, nice try, Strawberry. One more round and I'll let you go early."

"How generous, Yoruichi-san…" Ichigo muttered and grabbed his zanpakutou.

"I heard that… don't push your luck." She rubbed her hands together. "Now, Ishida, disappear for a moment and get ready to attack when I get the word."

Renji returned from the store with his arms loaded with canvas bags that clinked when he moved. He looked around in hopes of getting some help, but the store seemed deserted. Usually the two kids were out front sweeping at the very least. He moved over toward a counter and put his bags down for a moment.

"Hey, freeloader!" Jinta called other side of the display counter he was cleaning on the other side of the shop. "Our stuff isn't good enough for you?"

"This isn't just mine, and you don't sell sake and groceries here, kid!" Renji sighed. "Where's Urahara?"

"Not available…okay, he's in his lab. I can't disturb him right now."

"Now look here kid, I really…" Renji paused a moment. "Do you have chocolates?"

The boy sighed and waved his hand across the counter and toward the rest of the shop. "What kind of place do you think this is?"

"Not this stuff. It's for everyday. I want some good stuff. Quality stuff," he paused, "…like you'd give to a lady."

"Wait here, I'll go check." Then the boy ran off to the storage room. A few moments later, he returned with two small boxes. "This is the only other stuff we seem to have."

"Eh, it will have to do. Kinda cheesy looking, but Rangiku seems desperate enough for chocolate, so I don't think she'll care. Thanks Jinta. Put it on my bill." He winked.

"Will you pay it?"

"Yes I'll pay it!" Renji bellowed back at the boy.

"If you don't it will be my head _and_ yours. You want us to go out of business when we let you stay here for weeks?" Jinta harangued the red-haired fukutaichou once again.

"Ya know, Jinta, I can't believe you just gave me credit."

"If you don't pay…you know what will happen!"

Renji thought about that a moment. He pictured Urahara slowly pulling out Benihime and inching toward him with a gleam in his eyes. He shivered. "Um…yeah. I'll just be going then." He stuck the candy in one of the bags and made his way back down to the basement training area.

The sounds of a fight met his ears on his way down. Kurosaki and Ishida were at it again. As he walked around a rock outcropping, he heard a distinctively female grunt. His eyes widened at the sight of Yoruichi shunpo-ing a kick directly in Ishida's stomach then flashing over and kicking Ichigo in the back of the head. They had been at it for a while, Ichigo and Ishida were drenched with sweat and he could see spots of blood. Yoruichi was barely winded and unscathed. He watched them a few minutes more. After a while, he noticed that neither of the teens was gaining any ground. He was about to just continue back to Soul Society when Yoruichi tripped, almost imperceptibly, in mid-shunpo.

The Quincy shot an arrow at that moment, but it went astray and the substitute shinigami staggered backward a step or two. Ichigo was able to right himself immediately and used his momentum to swing his fist at Yoruichi's head as Ishida shot an arrow at her.

The punch hit her square in the jaw and the arrow nicked her arm.

The Goddess of Flash ducked past the second fist flying her direction then flipped up and over a third arrow, landing on a rock behind Ichigo.

It was amazing see such as master at work. Renji could tell that she was not even really trying. The fact that she just took two hits when she was at an easy advantage was simply amazing. But then, she nearly tripped again, seemingly on thin air. In his surprise, he didn't notice that a small box flew out of the woman's pocket and into his bag.

"What…? How…? Uh oh…" she seemed to mutter under her breath, but Renji knew it had to be his imagination. Yoruichi then turned around slowly, as though assessing her surroundings. "Abarai-san!" She shook her head and cleared her throat. "Did you enjoy the show, Abarai -san?"

"Show?" He was genuinely puzzled. "I'm just heading back to Seireitei."

"Right! Off you go then, Abarai-san." She cleared her throat again.

"Ichigo-san, Ishida-san, that will be all for today. I need to go check on something." She flashed out of the basement.

They heard the distinctive sound of a fading "oh shit," then silence engulfed the room.

"What was that about?" Renji spoke first.

Both teens shrugged. All three stared at the trapdoor above.

"I think she's finally cracked." Ishida muttered. The other two nodded.

"Is that what happens when you use shunpo too much?" Ichigo asked the fukutaichou.

"I certainly hope not." Renji muttered.

**Okay, that didn't turn out as I originally outlined it! At all! I like this version better. (Even more after the edit.) But, now my plans for the next chapter were shot. So…Give me a review of you liked it, or even if you didn't. Just don't flame, I won't be able to improve. I always think my writing can use improvement.**

**As a fun note, I just thought I'd let you know that the title for this chapter was inspired (after a fashion) from a song that I liked when I was little called "Momma's Soup Surprise." It was such a cute little song. Not sure how it really fits with the content of the chapter itself, but I thought it was just a funny title for it. :) Of course, in retrospect, it should probably have been called "Urahara's Shunpo Surprise." Oh well!**


	3. Chocolate Scented Paperwork

**Note: I do not own Bleach. I just like it a lot.**

Chapter 3 – Chocolate Scented Paperwork

Renji didn't head straight to the Tenth Division headquarters to make his delivery after he returned to Seiretei. He decided it would be best to report in to his own division first. Something about Kuchiki Taichou often struck down his defiant nature, and absolutely put the fear of Senbonzakura into him. Perhaps it was Senbozakura. Or, perhaps it was his taichou's crushingly stanch propriety and personality.

Nevertheless, he made the long trek down the streets to his division burdened with Rangiku's groceries, getting funny looks from fellow shinigami. He had better get something good out of this. It was bordering on not worth it. Since it had been so long since his last date night, he shrugged off the irritation.

His captain looked up from his paperwork as he entered and raised an eyebrow at the overloaded bags in his fukutaichou's arms. He narrowed his eyes in question.

"Just um…Matsumoto's groceries, taichou." He correctly interpreted the gesture.

"Why?" Byakuya asked. "You are neither a grocer nor delivery boy. Well, except when I send you on errands, of course."

Renji nodded. He could have sworn he saw the briefest flash of a smirk on his taichou's face, and a hint of a chuckle. "Yes, taichou. But, we are talking about Matsumoto fukutaichou," he said as if no other explanation was needed.

"Indeed. Well, did you procure for me what I asked?"

"Yes, it's right here." He set the bags down on his own desk and took out the boxes of chocolate.

"Three?"

"I got some too." Renji said distractedly as an overwhelming urge to open one of them entered his mind from looking at the boxes of chocolate. The Sixth Division taichou raised an eyebrow in unspoken curiosity.

"What are you doing Abarai?"

"Well, since there are three…I just thought I'd try one. I skipped lunch. I'm hungry."

"Ah, yes. You went during your lunch." Byakuya said, without appending an apology to the statement.

"Would you like a piece, Taichou?"

"I have already had lunch, thank you." Renji could almost imagine that as a joke on his behalf, but decided not to think much of it.

"Well, here, just have a pinch of this one then. Don't worry I'll just cut it in half with Zabimaru. I think it's got nougat."

Byakuya cringed slightly. "Very well." Renji plopped a piece in his mouth, passed the box over to his captain, who place other half piece of chocolate in his mouth carefully, almost cautiously. "Hmm, yes, these are acceptable. You may put an _unopened_ box on my desk."

Renji put the lid back on the opened chocolate, and picked up a second box. As he turned, the newly closed box fell into one of the bags he had placed on the floor. He rushed over to set the box on his captain's desk. "Well I'll be back in a little while, taichou. I still need to deliver Matsumoto's bags." He heard Kuchiki grunt as he hefted the bags and rushed out the door.

Matsumoto Rangiku ambled into the Tenth Division Office earlier than usual. Hitsugaya Toushiro lifted his eyes from the stacks of paperwork on his desk and raised an eyebrow at his fukutaichou. He glanced over at the clock on his desk and then back toward her. His eyes went so wide he was afraid they might pop out of his head. He rubbed his eyes nervously. Perhaps he had fallen asleep while doing his paperwork again. No, he distinctly remembered waking in his own bed and having breakfast that morning. He also recalled his jog around the division training area.

"Good morning, taichou." She sat at her desk as though nothing was out of the ordinary.

But here she was … his fukutaichou, on time for work. _No, she is early. And she is already at her desk._ _I must be dreaming. I haven't even had lunch yet!_

"M-Matsumoto," he took a deep breath in an attempt to settle his mind. "Matsumoto, are you okay?"

"Of course Taichou." She shuffled a few sheets of paper across the desk as though unsure of where to begin.

"Are…are you sure?"

"Well, yes. I think so." She pursed her lips, and rubbed the back of her neck thoughtfully.

"You…you're early. You're at your desk. What's wrong?"

"Nothing that I know of. You don't have a fever do you, Taichou?" She dashed across the room and felt his forehead for signs of high temperature.

He pushed her hand away, and glowered at her. "No! I'm fine. Don't treat me like a child! And don't change the subject! You're early. You went straight to work and…" he sniffed the air around his fukutaichou. "And you don't stink of sake. What's going on? What do you want? I'm told you that I'm not giving you time off to go shopping!"

"Stink! Taichou you think I smell bad?" She was genuinely hurt but her efforts at trying to change the subject were obvious.

"After you've been out drinking all night? Yes. And, I told you not to change the subject!"

"I don't have any more sake." She pouted and plopped down on a corner of his desk. "And all my friends deserted me last night. I couldn't get any of them to buy me drinks." She sighed and sniffled a little.

She was such a pitiful sight, almost on the verge of tears, but he had long ago built up a resistance to her attempts to garner his sympathy. He wasn't going to give in and let her have a day off just because he felt sorry for her. "No, you can't have a day off."

"Taichou! You're so cold."

He growled her last pleas away. "Why don't you just help out for a change and get some work done. You always make me do all of it myself."

She sighed, realizing she wasn't going to win this time and returned to her desk. She shifted papers around again, and completed a few forms, casting sideways glances at her Taichou. He seemed so engrossed in his own work that she thought he didn't notice. She knew that he would comment at a second attempt to get up from her desk for even the littlest of things.

After a while, Hitsugaya looked up from his own paperwork. It had taken an hour or so, with much fidgeting, but it seemed that his fukutaichou was going to do some work, for once… with relatively little struggle. _Maybe I could arrange to keep her sake supply low…_ He chuckled to himself. And worked through the morning in good spirits.

His thoughts ended abruptly when he heard the distinctive sound of jars clinking together in canvas bags just outside the office doors. One of the unseated shinigami of the Tenth Division opened the doors and stepped into the office hesitantly.

"Excuse the interruption, Hitsugaya Taichou, but there is someone here who wishes to see Matsumoto Fukutaichou.

His eyes darted nervously from taichou to fukutaichou and back again. "He says it cannot wait."

Hitsugaya grunted his annoyance. "Who is it?"

"Abarai Fukutaichou, again, he says his business is most urgent."

"Well then, show him in." Hitsugaya glared at the shinigami and waited for the Sixth Division Fukutaichou to enter, only vaguely aware of the way his fukutaichou suddenly perked up at her desk.

"Hello Abarai Fukutaichou. You didn't happen to threaten any of my squad with Zabimaru, did you?"

"Uh, no sir." Renji appeared sufficiently shocked by the question that the taichou didn't press the matter of his squad member's distress. "I think you frighten them enough without me resorting to intimidation."

"Make this little visit quick, Abarai," Hitsugaya growled, returning to his paperwork as the fukutaichou walked in the office clinking faintly as he went. "Oi! What's that tinkling noise?"

Renji's brow furrowed. "Tinkling, sir?"

"Yeah, that tink-ting-a-tink noise I heard it when you walked in just now."

"Um...I'm delivering Matsumoto's groceries, Hitsugaya Taichou," he said as he walked over to Matsumoto's desk and set down the bags he carried causing them to produce more tinkling and another grunt from Hitsugaya. "Uh, Matsumoto...about lunch-"

"She's not taking lunch today," Hitsugaya taunted a little too cheerfully. "She has a SWA meeting this afternoon and is taking off early." He looked up to see Abarai's face fall noticeably.

"Well, I understand then. Kuchiki Taichou does the same with me. And, I was going to say that since I brought the groceries that was my lunch for the day. Perhaps...dinner then?"

"Oh, sure! After my meeting." She smiled widely.

Hitsugaya raised his eyebrows at them. There was clearly something here he was missing. He could not put his finger on what it might be. He wasn't sure that he wanted to. They sounded too polite with each other. He thought a moment, _they're friends, right?_ _What's going on..? _ "We have work to do here, Abarai. I'm sure you do at your own division, as well."

"Um...yes Hitsugaya-taicho."

"Then...get out! Or I'll report you to Kuchiki for wasting time on the job."

"Yes, yes sir!" He paused. "Wait! This is still my lunch."

"That may be, but it is not mine, and it is not Matsumoto's. So...shove off. You are wasting _my_ time! And, that is all the worse for you!"

"Yes, yes sir! See you later then Matsumoto fukutaichou." He hurried out the door.

Hitsugaya sighed as he returned to his paperwork, the distraction gone. If it weren't for all the distractions he might be able to get some work done and get his nap on time for once, and get home on time, and...

"Taichou..." Matsumoto's voice coaxed, breaking the calm. He tried to ignore her. "Taichooou?" He grunted, hoping she would just give up. "Taichou? Please? Can I go put my groceries away?"

"No, you'd leave and you'd never come back to the office. Get back to work."

"But the food might go bad. Please? I will need to ask you to keep it fresh and cold with Hyorinmaru if you dooon't."

"Ugh...Fine. You can use the fridge in the office kitchen." He sighed. All he wanted was to get the paperwork done. Why could no one understand that?

"But I might forget them when I leave."

"If they're in the fridge, then they will be fine."

"Okay, okay then. I'll be right back Taichou."

"You had better be."

She got up and collected the bags. They clinked all the way back with her to the kitchen at the end of the hallway. At least Abarai had attempted to keep the noise quiet. He could even hear when she set them on the kitchen table. They seemed to echo, and he didn't like that. The all sounded suspiciously like glass containers. Once the sound died, he breathed a sigh of relief and resumed with the never-ending paperwork. Sometimes he wondered if the Tenth Division got more than their fair-share.

He worked his way through one stacks of forms, sighing in satisfaction, and then his head perked up. The air smelled odd. It was horrible. Hitsugaya took another deep breath. He recognized the smell. That was sake! Didn't Matsumoto say that she didn't have any left? Renji...the clinking! Glass!

"MATSUMOTO!"

He charged up from his desk and down the hall to the kitchen. There slumped at the table was Matsumoto with a merry smile on her face, and a cup of sake cradled in her hands. Her eyes widened at the sight of her taichou in the kitchen doorway a vein in his forehead twitching in anger and disbelief. "MATSUMOTO!" He roared at her once again. "What did I tell you? What do you think you're doing?"

"Awe, Taichou...it was just a little bit. It's been so long. I just couldn't help myself."

"So that's what Abarai brought for you!"

"Yes, taichou, and my groceries. See for yourself."

"I don't need to see anything now. The sight of the sake bottles is enough. Get back to work!"

"Oi... I'm sorry Taichou. Here." She reached into one of the bags and pulled out a couple boxes. Hitsugaya regarded her suspiciously. They looked like candy. "Renji brought me back a couple boxes of candy. I haven't had any yet. But you can have one."

"Candy? You're offering me candy."

"Yes, Taichou. As a way to say that I am very very sorry." She stuck her bottom lip out in a pout.

He looked at his fukutaichou then at the box of candy, then back at her again. He sighed, and extended his hand to accept the candy, but hesitated. "It better not happen again."

"No, of course not, Taichou." She smiled apologetically and handed him the little box.

"Now, get back to work."

"Of course, Taichou." She grinned, then downed the rest of the sake in a single gulp and went back to her desk.

He pocketed the box stomped back to the office after her.

"You know these are pretty good. I might have to get some for the SWA meeting. They would just love them! Eeeee!" She squealed in delight, as she just pushed papers around on her desk, only creating a bigger mess.

"Matsumoto! Get to the paperwork already!" Her carrying on was almost worse than her frequent bouts of inebriation.

"Yes, yes Taichou," she harped back at him distractedly.

Hitsugaya knew her mind was already on the upcoming meeting, and probably with her "date" with Abarai later. He would consider himself lucky if she even got half a stack of work completed. Those meetings were cause for alarm enough as it was. He never knew what they would come up with next, and half their schemes seemed to create great disaster for him. He could just sense the gears turning in Matsumoto's head. Although, maybe with the distraction of a date she wouldn't concentrate on getting drunk as much as she would on enjoying her evening company. But then again, this was Abarai Renji. Wasn't he one of her drinking buddies? Heh…

He could almost hear an admonishment from Hyorinmaru about resentment. Resentment? He just couldn't figure out how she got so excited over the chocolate. It was only candy. If it was that great then she was more than welcome to his never-ending supply from Ukitake-Taichou. Perhaps he should try the giving of candy sometime urged. Not to his fukutaichou. She didn't need a false sense of comfort from him. She would become even lazier than she already was.

He thought over the matter again. Maybe it wasn't the candy. Maybe it was the time spent. He would just need to find someone else to try the experiment on. Yachiru seemed to like candy, and he had given quite a bit to her. He could try asking her for dinner sometime. There was Zaraki to consider though… Maybe just lunch then.

Suddenly, humming brought him back to reality. Matsumoto was nodding her head to a tuneless melody. The distraction allowed the Tenth Division Taichou to catch his wandering mind and reel it back. There was paperwork to finish, and he was just wasting time.

"Matsumoto! Shush! Just get to work already!"

**All right, I had originally intended this chapter to be longer, but it managed to wrap itself up rather well. I'm not sure what I missed. I couldn't think of anything else I needed to add.**

**I've edited this chapter as well, just a little. But, feel free to review anyway, please.  
**


	4. Whatever You Do

**Hello, here I am again, with another update. I wish I could update more often. I hope to start updating more often soon. I really hope! NOTE: I have edited this chapter as well, but nothing much has changed, just some typos that have disappeared.**

**I don't own Bleach. But, the idea of this new Soul Candy is mine.**

Chapter 4 – Whatever You Do

Yoruichi's head reeled, and she saw stars from behind her eyelids. She remained flat on the hard floor where she had fallen. Floor? Why was she on a floor? She wasn't anywhere near a room that had real flooring a second ago. She should have fallen on rocks or dirt. Everything had gone quiet. Though, if she concentrated, she could hear Ururu and Jinta squabbling somewhere just outside the shop doors. Dread kept her from opening her eyes. She stayed perfectly still, trying to collect her thoughts and figure out what had happened.

She breathed in deeply and ran her hands across the floor. Kisuke's lab? She could recognize that uneven surface in the dark with shoes on. She had certainly walked across it while barefooted often enough. Though, granted, that probably wasn't entirely safe. But, she was already dead so what did that matter… It mattered that she was in more pain than she could remember in a long time. Every sensation her nerves signaled to her brain seemed amplified tenfold.

Shifting on the hard floor doubled her pain. She slowly raised her hands in order to rub her aching temples, but a hat prevented from doing so. A hat? What was going here?

She shifted the hat up a few inches on her head and rubbed her temples. That didn't ease the throbbing. The pain was so intense she nearly didn't notice how much the hand massaging her head did not feel like her own. It was too rough, and too large—still…familiar. The fingers were much less delicate, and large. The dusty smell that should have been on her hands from the ground in the basement was mysteriously absent. Instead, they smelled like a mix of chemicals, chocolate and sake. She knew she hadn't had any sake yet today. There was only one person in the shop who would drink before evening.

She grew more curious by the second, but still she could not compel herself to open her eyes.

Perhaps she lost her concentration for a moment and one of the boys had knocked her out, and she was dreaming. Hah! Highly unlikely, but the thought emboldened her to open her eyes. She heard a shuffling outside the door that grew continually louder. It sounded oddly like running. As she started to sit upright and open her eyes, the door burst open. Her eyes opened wide at the figure standing before her.

The Substitute Shinigami and Quincy continued to spar after their instructor made her abrupt and unexpected exit from the training space. Ishida had changed into his Quincy clothes at Youichi's insistence, and his cape flapped in his wake as he darted from place to place to evade Ichigo's attacks. His cape whirled around as he dodged a black Getsuga Tenshou empowered by his masked friend. He deflected it with a blast of arrows.

Ishida paused a moment close to the entrance of the basement and saw that Jinta and Ururu had come down. They didn't seem very interested in being spectators, their attention directed back up the way they had come. Ishida deflected another Getsuga Tenshou as he tried to see what had them so captivated. When the sound of the blast died away, he could hear the faint sounds of a struggle and arguing.

"Oi! Ishida! Pay attention. I could kill you with one of those, ya know." Ichigo warned as he walked toward him.

"Yeah, yeah Kurosaki. Just be quiet a moment."

"What?" Ichigo narrowed his eyes at him, his mask now gone.

"There's something going on up there." He replied.

"Oh, yeah…" Ichigo paused a moment, now able to hear the scuffle from above. "Jinta, Ururu, you have any idea what's going on up there?"

They both blinked at them. "Uh…" Jinta paused a moment, in though, "no idea really! All I know is that you're loud. And we wanted to see if there was something down here that might have caused Yoruichi to go flying out of the basement."

"Sorry," Ururu whispered. "We're just as confused as you are."

"Hmmm," Ishida thought a moment. _Those two usually know more of the goings on in the shop than that._

"You two should get back to training," Jinta spoke up suddenly. "You wouldn't want us to tell Yoruichi that you loafed off, would you?"

"Why you little—"Ichigo started, but Ishida elbowed him in the arm. "Hey!"

"He's right." Ishida pushed his glasses up on his nose.

"When then let's get back to it."

Ishida smirked. It was always so easy to taunt the Substitute Shinigami that he couldn't help but throw jibes at him now and then. "Then attack already. You're so slow." Ichigo growled in complaint, but his attention diverted for a brief moment at the disappearance of Jinta and Ururu into the store above, that he missed what the teen said. His concentration returned to the fight as he sensed a surge in the Substitute Shinigami's reiatsu and blocked Zangetsu with Steele Schneider. When their weapons collided, the whole underground space seemed to wobble.

"Kisuke, what have you done!" Yoruichi roared at the scientist again. She flung the green and white hat toward him, and left shoe. Kisuke caught the hat, and barely managed to duck away from the harder object, which she launched at his face with deadly precision.

"Now, now…calm down," he attempted to dispel her rage, his voice irritatingly calm. The tone sounded odd so it didn't have its usual soothing effect. She also didn't care too much to see that smile outside of a mirror. "You wouldn't want to cause harm to such a lovely body, now would you?"

"What. Did. You. Do!" She hissed through clinched teeth, eyes narrowed in rage. The voice that she heard coming out of her mouth made her cringe.

"Please, please…calm down, Yoruichi-san." He took a few steps toward her.

"Kisuke…" her voice a nearly inaudible growl.

He drew a hand up to brush her cheek, but couldn't quite manage to complete the gesture. When she looked up at him, she noticed that he wasn't looking at her either. That was just as well, since the face looking back would cause undue discomfort, as would the touch of that hand. She didn't wonder if that would be the case for him as well.

"Yoruichi…" he whispered, still looking down at the floor. "I don't know what happened. This never happened in my experiments." He spoke very slowly.

Urahara was about to say something more when a knock at the lab door interrupted him. "Uh…" came a voice from the other side. Kisuke gave a deep sigh and gestured at Yoruichi. She gave him a puzzled look. "Hey boss," Jinta began. "We heard…well there was…was there…"

Kisuke sighed again, and gestured with his head toward the door. "You need to tell them everything is okay," he said barely above a whisper, but Yoruichi wasn't quite sure what he was asking of her.

"Um…sir…" Ururu began, obviously not sure of how to continue as well.

Urahara gestured toward the door once again, and waved his hand back and forth between then pointed at his throat. Yoruichi's eyes widened in sudden understanding, but as her mouth opened to respond, another voice interrupted.

"Urahara-dono!" called Tessai, uneasy with the silence in the lab. "Is everything okay?" More silence ensued. "I fear what may have happened," he muttered to Jinta and Ururu. "Back up, please." Before they could realize what he meant Tessai burst through the door, into the lab. Yoruichi and Kisuke stood staring at him, wide-eyed a moment.

"Sir! If you have been injured I shall treat you immediately!" He said, setting the door against the wall, not thinking that the gesture was in any way unnecessary or unusual.

"NO! I mean…haha! Everything is okay," Kisuke spoke up after a moment. He couldn't tolerate one of Tessai's cure-alls at the moment. "Kisuke just knocked himself silly with one of his experiments." It was all Yoruichi could do not to laugh at the explanation. He shrugged at her. He was always excellent at getting himself out of a tricky situation. She had taught him well. But, he was right; the charade was all they could do now. She could only play along until they were alone again to get her explanation. And, she would definitely get an explanation if the was it last thing that Kisuke ever did.

"Hey now, Yoruichi-san!" She chimed in after him. "How mean you are! So my experiment was a complete failure." She took great enjoyment, emphasizing the words. "There is nothing to get upset about. Don't worry about the bumbling," she continued. "Everything will be fine. I will have everything under control soon enough."

The look that he had plastered on her face was priceless: eyes wide in surprise, lips pursed in discontent. It was almost worth the odd situation. She didn't like the look on her face, but she would let him sulk anyway. It gave her some slight satisfaction.

"That's all well and good sir, but I have other news that also needs attention, now that I know you are okay." The tall man paused.

"Yes, Tessai-san," Yoruichi said, continuing with the act.

"Um…something is wrong with the boys in the basement. They seem to have passed out, sir."

Yoruichi thought that the shop had been rather quiet, upstairs and down, for quite some time. She chuckled. "Well then revive them and let them have at each other again." She was still trying to refine her own grasp of Kisuke's playful tone.

"That isn't quite the issue, sir. There was a surge of reiatsu. And, in case you hadn't noticed," he regarded them both apprehensively, "there is quite a lot of fluctuating reiatsu in the building."

Everyone in the lab paused a moment, sensing the air. It was quiet. The familiar reiatsu surges present during their fights felt as though they had been suspended in mid attack and were pulsating. Come to think of it… it felt like her own reiatsu, and Kisuke's were doing the same on a quieter level. She hoped that Tessai was not referring to that as well. Under normal circumstances, they would have noticed the surges immediately. Fluctuations in their own reiatsu clouded their ability to sense much of anything. She hoped that her reiatsu would straighten itself out soon. For that matter, she hoped that the Kisuke would straighten out the entire situation soon.

"Kisuke," she said urgently, "we need to get down there before they wake up!" She flashed down to the training space, Kisuke close behind her.

"Since when was the boss able to out shunpo Yoruichi?" she heard Jinta say from upstairs as she looked around the basement space for the two teens, only glad that he hadn't noticed that "Kisuke" had referred to himself in the third person. But then, Kisuke often seemed rather odd to other people, perhaps they would just consider it another characteristic of his quirkiness.

"Isane!" Matsumoto cooed over the phone.

The fourth division fukutaichou sighed, and was afraid that she cringed through the phone. "What is it, Rangiku?" She asked, though she was sorry that she had to do so. "Wait…what is that echo?"

"Huh? Oh! I'm in a supply closet. I'm hiding from my taichou."

The forth division fukutaichou put the bundle she was carrying back on her desk, and sat down. This was going to be another exhausting conversation with Rangiku. Most of them were. Though, those phone conversations were usually made to her from tenth division's break room, or just outside their offices in the garden with Rangiku perched in a tree. She must really be trying to hide from Hitsugaya this time. Maybe he discovered all her other hiding places. It would help if she just did her paperwork.

"Isane-chan!" Matsumoto cooed again. She wondered what her friend was trying to butter her up for this time. "My mean, mean taichou won't let me off for lunch since we have our meeting today, you know…you know what I have to deal with!" Isane sighed again, and let her friend get around to what it was that she wanted. Hitsugaya wasn't that bad…just a bit on the grouchy side sometimes…but she would never begin to say that to Matsumoto—or the thing about the paperwork. "Isane-chan…could you please go off to Urahara's and get me some more chocolate. Renji brought me the yummiest chocolates today and I just wanted to get some more to share with all of you at the SWA meeting. And I just know that you would all love them. And I remembered that it was my turn to bring the snacks today, but what I have isn't nearly as good as the chocolates. And…" Isane zoned out through the long monologue wondering when Matsumoto would take a breath. She really could take the time off, and she could get some more sleeping pills at the same time. She sighed again. "Isane-chan please," her friend was saying when her mind returned to the phone conversation.

"Um…well…sure, Rangiku. I'll go during my lunch." She hated it when she allowed herself to agree to any of Matsumoto's requests, especially when she was the only one who prevented herself from going…

"Good, good, yay!" She could just sense Matsumoto rubbing her hands together in triumph, suddenly wondering how many of their other friends she had called before she turned to her.

"Yes, you're welcome," she said, still cautious.

"Whatever you do, don't tell anyone about it, okay?"

"Um…okay, Rankigu." Isane ended the call and looked at her to-do and patient lists. It was going to be a long, busy day, especially now that she would have to rush, unable to work through lunch as she often did. And, she would make sure to ask Nanao to be prepared to push back the meeting an hour just in case.

"Okay boys," Kisuke said to Ichigo and Ishida once they woke, "whatever you do, don't take off the blindfolds."

"They're like freaking masks!" Ichigo bellowed.

"Yes, they are," he replied matter-of-factly. "So they don't conveniently fall off during while you fight. You're both very fast and haphazard at times—well, at least you are Kurosake-san."

"Shut up!" Ichigo growled at him causing the scientist to laugh more.

Yoruichi gave Urahara a look. They had tied black cloth over the tops of the boys' heads mask-style like Zorro without the eyeholes. They were a sight to see. At least they couldn't tell that their weapons didn't quite match their usual appearances. To anyone else it would appear that they had exchanged weapons. Urahara smiled back.

"Could you at least move the blindfolds so we can hear better?" Ishida asked.

"Of course not. What would be the fun in that?" Yoruichi laughed. "You need to work harder anyway. She was starting to have fun playing this charade with Ichigo and Ishida. It was almost more fun than flash-stepping circles around them. "Just fight already. You're wasting time." She knew that she had said that to the boys before, but at least it would sound like it came from Kisuke this time around.

They both took position to face off.

"You might want to turn around," Kisuke said.

"What do you mean Yoruichi?" Ichigo asked lowering his sword.

Suddenly, Urahara was glad that he thought to remove the Quincy's glasses. "You are facing away from each other. If you both attacked like that you'd be going after me and Tessai." The two teens turned around slowly and awkwardly, their acute embarrassment clear. "Just sense your own and your opponent's reiatsu, and you'll be just fine."

"Watch the boys, would you Tessai? Make sure they don't cause permanent damage to each other." Yoruichi grabbed the scientist by her arm and pulled him over to the side. "Sense each other's reiatsu? Kisuke, why the hell are you telling them that? I thought we wanted to put off their discovery of what happened. They are going to freak out enough as it is."

"We can't put it off altogether. But we can have fun with it for a while."

Yoruichi sighed. They both looked over toward the two boys. They were fighting rather well with the blindfolds. It was practically comical seeing Ishida try to shoot himself with his own arrows and Ichigo cut himself with his own sword. The show was especially amusing when they attempted their special techniques—that seemed to go awry each time.

"Yoruichi, I—"Kisuke was cut off by the materialization of another senkaimon; Isane stepped out, looking around nervously. She glanced over at the two boys fighting blindfolded.

"What is this?" Yoruichi asked. "Grand Central Station!"

"Um…" the tall fukutaichou began. "Matsumoto fukutaichou set me for some kind of chocolate…"

"Chocolate?" Kisuke said, trying to get her to volunteer more information.

"Yes, chocolate. Matsumoto said that Abarai fukutaichou got her some chocolate from your store, and sent me here to get some more for her for the Shinigami Women's Association meeting. Are you coming Yoruichi-san?" She leaned forward conspiratorially, and turned toward the shop owner, confused that the wrong one had answered her question. "And, for some more of those sleeping pills you gave me last time."

Yoruichi blinked, and hid her face behind the fan to hide her confusion. She shook her head at Kisuke.

"No," he said, hoping he interpreted her signal correctly. "I'm not going to be able to come to the meeting this time. Yet again. _Regrettably_. Maybe next time."

"Oh, well, okay."

"Please," Yoruichi said, "go up to my shop for a moment and look around. I shall be up to help you in a moment." She gave one of Kisuke's most accommodating and creepily helpful smiles. "Off you go now Isane-san."

She sighed when the woman had disappeared up into the shop. "What are you going to do now, Kisuke? What in the world is she looking for?"

"I am sure I don't know what she means. I'm going to have to go ask whoever helped Renji, which I suspect is Jinta. Or, actually, I should say…_you_ need to go find out. She doesn't want her friend to help her with the herbal remedies, who knows nothing about them…hmm?"

"Well then you'd better tell me which sleeping pills she wants."

He fumbled for a pen and paper in his pocket, and finally pulled them out and wrote a few words. "Just find and give her these. I'll come up with you just in case though."

He bid Tessai to take good care of Ichigo and Ishida once more, and the two of them made their way up to the shop. Yoruichi searched the shop for the pills and made some small talk about the woman's sleeping problems, while Urahara went off in search of Jinta. He remembered that the boy had been scheduled to sweep the shop floor around the time Renji would have come in the shop earlier that day. He had to harangue thy boy for information. And Kisuke didn't like what he had found out at first. But the knowledge that Renji had taken the experimental chocolate soul candy into the Soul Society gave the scientist an idea. A wonderful, excellent, awful idea. The experimentation didn't seem to be harmful; after all, he seemed to be a test subject himself, and nothing horrible had happened …yet—but this was certainly interesting. Why not spread the … fun? Yes. He could just laugh at the prospect. He had to find out exactly how this had happened. If his suspicions about how they had affected reiatsu were correct, maybe he could even enter Soul Society for the first time in a century.

He rubbed his hand together in excitement as he made his way back to his lab. He injected several more of his special boxes of chocolate with the potion. Urahara then put all of them in a very large box for the Fukutaichou to take with her. He just hoped that she would think he was being generous. But, of course, she had the money to pay for it. She was borrowing it on Matsumoto's sake tab. The scientist suddenly started to wonder who would be switching, and made a note to tell her to be sure to pass it around all of Seireitei, as well.

He pulled Yoruichi aside for a moment to explain his idea. She smiled with him.

Urahara chuckled to himself as he handed the box to Yoruichi to give to a valued customer, and headed back down to the basement. He breathed in deeply. "Ah," he thought, "there's nothing like a new experiment to brighten the day."

"Now, Isane-san," he heard Yoruichi say to the fukutaichou. "Whatever you do, make sure you share the chocolate with all the girls in the SWA. And, any and everyone else, of course. If you need some more please call and let us know, and we will send it special delivery to Soul Society straight away."

"You…you deliver?" Isane said.

"Hmm…in this instance, we will find a way."

There were times when Kisuke really loved what he did, and this was one of those times. He sighed in satisfaction and continued down to check on the two boys in the basement.

**If things are a little confusing with the characters, I am really sorry! I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please send a review. If you didn't, please review anyway (maybe even telling me why you didn't like it, and what I can do to improve). Thanks!**


	5. A Disturbance in the Reiatsu

**Wow, yeah, it's another chapter from me! I know it's been a long time, but for those of you who are interested, I'm trying to get my writing muse back. I've actually been holding on to this chapter for a while, but didn't want to upload it until I had one to follow. I'm tired of just keeping it to myself now. So…here you go. I hope you enjoy it. Please review.**

**I don't own Bleach, just this fanfic, and the new soul candy.**

Chapter 5 - A Disturbance In The Reiatsu

Urahara Kisuke and Shihoin Yoruichi were on their way back to the basement when they felt another tremendous surge of reiatsu. They both clung onto the ladder, a little more than halfway to the bottom-until the massive spiritual shock wave had ended and then flashed down the rest of the distance as quickly as they could. A billowing cloud of dust surrounded the two boys, obscuring them from sight. Debris fell all around them. Urahara and Yoruichi could tell that the Shinigami and Quincy were still standing upright in there somewhere from the hacking coughs and curses that came from inside the brown-grey cloud. They didn't rush over to check on the two boys; they didn't call out to them asking if they were okay. Urahara and Yoruichi stood still where they were, and glanced at each other, then back at the dust cloud. They laughed.

"Ho ho! I'm sorry I missed that," Urahara chuckled as he sat on a rock some distance away from the cloud, which was thinning gradually. He could now see outlines of the two boys, and the crater they had created. They were hunched over, their hands to their mouths, still cursing at each other between fits of coughing. Kisuke could just imagine what had happened, though he would have preferred to be present to witness it, and laughing in their faces would have been that much more satisfying.

Isane reached the bottom of the training space as the smoke cleared, having waited for the shock waves to diminish before she made her way down. "What's going on?" She asked setting her bags on a small rock, glancing at the two boys engaged in a staring contest.

"Ah! They are training, Isane-san," Kisuke answered, not taking his eyes off the two combatants.

"Yes, Yoruichi-san...but why are they blindfolded?"

"Ahem..." Kisuke cleared his throat, to cover the shock he still experienced from being referred to by the dear kitty's name.

"This is just a special training exercise, you see." Yoruichi announced as she sat down next to Kisuke.

"I can't remember ever doing that particular training exercise."

"Oh! I was inspired to recreate this, in what form that I could, from a movie, "Kisuke attempted to bluff. " It is, I admit, more dangerous than its movie-counterpart."

"You watch movies Yoruichi-san?" Isane marveled

Uh oh... "Well..." he thought a moment, "Kisuke showed me the movie. Star Battle...Fights..." He glanced over at Yoruichi-himself-wishing he had his fan to hide his face. "What was it _Kisuke_?" He got a smirk in response that he relished during a dramatic pause. "Ah yes! Star Wars! Excellent movie." He looked back at Isane, but he could just sense Yoruichi groaning, or at least rolling his own eyes at him.

"It looks like they're going to start up again," Yoruichi said. Isane, still unsure of what was going on, said nothing more and sat back, watching the very peculiar fight taking place before her.

Her confusion was abundantly clear to both Kisuke and Yoruichi, she gasped and "Oo-ed," and "Aaah-ed" at each attack, parry, released arrow and very narrow escape. Everyone knew all they needed to know of Ichigo's powers-they were extraordinary, and they were immense. And, most of the seated officers in Seiretei also knew of Ishida's exceptional abilities, at the very least, by reputation. But there was little to see of their usual fighting prowess. It was almost as though they forgot how to make their bodies respond to and work with their powers correctly. Muscle movements were fractions of seconds off, and it counted and was noticeable. Their muscles' relationships with their respective weapons were labored and were made quite deliberately, without their usual, relative, grace and ease. At one point it seemed one of the boys had said, "I can't move." But it had been nearly impossible to hear; therefore, impossible to know for certain.

"Kurosaki! If you aren't careful you may allow Ishida to assist you in suicide," Yoruichi shouted when their fighting was at a crossroads and the two boys were both at a standoff, gasping for air, yet again.

"Ishida!" Kisuke yelled after. "Kurosaki may be assisting you in your efforts as well."

They turned to each other and laughed. Kisuke smiled-they had finally called them correctly, and wondered if they could possibly keep that up.

Their exclamations seemed fuel enough for the boys to continue with their fight. Shinigami Substitute and Quincy both growled in frustration at the teasing from the two former captains and raised their weapons anew.

"F-fight better!" Another voice exclaimed hesitantly. "Or you'll get yourselves killed." Kisuke and Yoruichi looked over and saw Isane lowered her hands from having cupped them around her mouth. Without anything better to do, it seemed that she couldn't help but join the fun. They both laughed in amusement.

"Really, boys!" Urahara goaded on. "If you don't pick up the pace you really are going to kill yourselves. There are times when you are your worst opponent in battle, you know."

Yoruichi gasped in disbelief, and narrowed her eyes as a caution to the shopkeeper. He flashed a bright, confident grin back at her. Though, Kisuke could tell it did little to reassure her. Well, he figured, what harm is it in giving them little hints. They will learn the truth when they finish the fight. And, they would eventually-probably sooner than later they way they were going at each other. They both looked like they were nearly on their last legs. Both bleeding from multiple wounds. If they didn't exhaust themselves from sheer willpower and stubbornness, then they would pass out from blood loss.

"Well, I really should be going." Isane rose from the boulder the three were sitting on. "They don't seem to be doing very well. And, my lunchtime is nearly over. Tell them I enjoyed the show, but they need to work harder." She laughed nervously and smiled. The fourth division lieutenant glanced back over at the fighters then shouldered her bags and walked over to where Tessai waited to open a senkaimon. "And tell them I am sorry that I could not stay to heal them."

Kisuke glanced over at Yoruichi and nodded as to remind her of something, a message he had for Isane. "Oh!" Yoruichi exclaimed. "Isane-san! If those pills don't work, I slipped a new sleeping formula in your bag. There are directions on the bottle. It is a powder mix this time."

"Oh...th-thank you Urahara-san." She smiled warmly and proceeded through the gate back to Soul Society.

Yoruichi and Kisuke continued to watch as orange-haired opponent fired arrow after arrow at dark-haired opponent who blocked it with the slash of a sword and exclamation of "Getsuga Tenshou!" It really was quite entertaining. They noticed that the Quincy didn't seem to be using any of his special techniques, and the Substitute Shinigami hadn't brought out his vaizard powers. There was evidence that they had tried, of course. It seemed as though such abilities were beyond them. _Yes, _Kisuke thought, _this is an excellent test for my latest experiment._ He would definitely see if he could head to Soul Society himself and check on the progress of the experiment there. If it would even work in Soul Society at all. The part of his mind that hoped both tests would yield positive results was practically giddy with excitement, and dying in anticipation. He was practically itching to attempt a visit again ... after so long. What fun! Oh! What-

**WHOOM**!

_What the hell!_

An explosion of reiatsu interrupted Urahara's thoughts. Apparently, he had grown used to the output of spiritual pressure and had neglected to sense this sudden new surge of energy. The two boys had just charged at each other; the Quincy shot an arrow at the Shinigami point-blank who sliced simultaneously with a getsuga tenshou. He almost cringed at the sight, but called out a kidou spell to counter the raging spiritual energy. It was successfully dispelled; such a rush not only might have destroyed the shop but half the neighborhood with it. The boys flew back in opposite directions. Orange hair and black shinigami robes flying one direction toward a cliff-face and black hair and white quincy cape in another against a large outcrop of rock. The ground still shook from the surge of reiatsu.

Yoruichi and Urahara glanced at each other, and then each hurried over to one of the boy's bodies. They lay motionless on the ground. Blood seeped from various wounds from their bodies and heads. Yoruichi studied the Quincy's body; Urahara tended to the Substitute Shinigami.

"He's out cold," Yoruichi called out to the shopkeeper, halfway across the training grounds.

"Yeah, so's the other one." Urahara chuckled merrily. "They both struggled against power sources and capacity they're not used to. I'd say they both have concussions. I'm not sure what all is going on with their spiritual pressures, though."

"And we shouldn't be anywhere close when they wake up." Yoruichi replied dryly.

"Someone will need to tend their injuries."

"Have one of the kids listen out then send Tessai down. Or...just send Tessai to watch them until they wake." She walked over and grabbed the scientist by her jacket collar.

"You are roughing around your own body you know."

"Come on!"

"But it would be so much fun! You know it would..."

"You can enjoy the fun from afar. Or later. Just come on. Don't you think it will be more fun, them figuring it out on their own?"

"Well, since you put it that way... But just a moment." He walked over to the cliff and slid back part of the rock, revealing a console. Urahara pushed a few buttons, and a small light that nearly blended in with stone started to blink. He glanced back at Yoruichi and saw a smile slowly spread across his face; he smiled in satisfaction. They walked back to the boys and removed their blindfolds. Urahara took a little pity on them and hastened their recovery time with a bit of kidou. A second later, they had flashed away to Urahara's lab, leaving the boys to wake on their own.

"Come with me." Urahara beckoned leading Yoruichi to the back of the lab. After pushing a few buttons on another console, a door opened.

"Ladies first," he said and entered first.

Yoruichi scowled. "You might be stuck in my body, but you're no lady."

"Hehe, yes, I know. Neither are you."

"Hey now!"

"Later," he chuckled. "It's time for a different kind of fun. Sit down and watch the show."

They settled down in front of a display panel with several monitor showing various places in the shop, the underground training space, and the city. They focused their concentration on those positioned under the shop. And then, they waited for the boys to wake up.

The two teenagers lay on the ground unconscious a few minutes longer. Neither Urahara nor Yoruichi thought to worry, wholly confident in Tessai's healing abilities. He remained to see that the boys didn't suffer too many other ill effects from the fight, and concussions.

As Yoruichi predicted, Ichigo woke first. They watched as first his shoulders twitched, and then his right hand. _Ichigo_ reached for his sword; it was stuck deeply in the ground at a 45-degree angle, and he used it as leverage to rise. He slowly leaned back against the rocks and slid his fingers through dark hair, and cringed, rubbing the back of his head tenderly. He cursed under his breath. Ichigo clinched his eyes shut even tighter. Yoruichi and Urahara couldn't help but chuckle a bit.

"Ugh," the boy groaned. "I wonder ... who won."

Their attention was drawn to another monitor. Ishida had propped himself up and was half-leaning against the cliff-face, rubbing his shoulders. His eyes also tightly clinched in obvious pain. They could see the shadow of Tessai standing to one side, watching the teenagers, his arms crossed in front of his massive chest; the familiar look of intense concentration on his face.

"I don't know," Ishida muttered back.

Both teens leaned back.

"I believe it was a draw," Tessai replied visibly startling both boys. "You both have concussions, so you can keep your eyes shut, but avoid falling asleep."

"I don't think that's going to be a problem," Ishida commented, massaging his temples. Ichigo merely grunted in agreement.

"Otherwise, how are you boys feeling?"

"Bit worse for the wear," Ichigo admitted.

"And, my glasses are missing." Concern rising in his voice. Ishida started to feel around, his eyes still closed for his glasses.

"Get out of there...get out of there Tessai," Urahara chanted, transfixed to the monitor.

"Come on, Tessai," Yoruichi urged, though knowing he couldn't hear them. "We need to explain, at least to Tessai."

"Yes," Urahara agreed, but Yoruichi had flashed down to the basement, and didn't hear his reply. He watched as she pulled on the large man's arm, encouraging him to leave the training space. "I need your assistance in the lab." She replied in Urahara's usual jolly tone. She slipped him a note, and dropped a pair of glasses next to Ichigo.

"Do what kidou you need to get rid of their concussions. Come immediately. -Urahara." Urahara watched Tessai's brow furrow in confusion. The note was written in Yoruichi's handwriting. By the time he looked up Yoruichi was back in the lab's monitor room.

"Okay, boys, just lay back down where you are. You should rest." He knelt next to the Quincy and used some kidou to rid him of the concussion, then went over and did the same for Ichigo. "Now, you boys get some sleep, okay?"

Neither boy answered, as Tessai expected. The kidou necessary had put the boys to sleep instantly as a side effect. Tessai glanced over toward the monitor in the cliff-face, and then made his way to the lab.

"Uh oh..." Urahara muttered. Within moments, he could hear Tessai's footsteps come down the hall outside the lab door.

Ichigo groaned. His head ached. He vaguely remembered something about a concussion, but figured that if he had been allowed to sleep then Tessai really had gotten rid of it with some sort of ... something. That was scary, but he was still thankful. He stretched out along the ground, relieving his muscles of some tension. His head still throbbed, but less intensely. His back and shoulders ached, and his arms felt like limp noodles. Ichigo opened his eyes, hesitant about what he might find, and whether or not it would cause pain. The artificial sky above him was a blue and white fuzzy mass. Staring at the blobs caused considerable discomfort, which increased when he glanced around and tried to focus on any of the scenery around him. A tuft of grass was merely a green blob. The light hurt, causing him to clinch his eyes closed. He figured that was just a side effect from the fight with Ishida. He took a deep breath and sat up. He opened his eyes again to the same result. When he held his hand a couple feet in front of his face, it was blurry. Everything was blurry. He'd have asked Tessai, but he couldn't sense him down there. Ichigo squinted his eyes to see if he could spot Ishida, but there was only a blurry black dot somewhere in the distance under what looked like the cliff-face. He felt around for his sword, but it wasn't anywhere nearby; he couldn't see it in any case. He blinked, thinking that the black dot had moved, or was growing bigger.

His head ached. And his muscles felt like they had been put through a meat grinder, especially his right arm. He wondered if he had fallen on it. Though, he recalled that Tessai said that both of them had suffered concussions. The shop assistant must have healed them. So, he would have healed his arm as well, wouldn't he? Perhaps the shinigami kidou could only provide so much healing. That figures. He grunted and sat up against the cliff blinking his eyes open slowly. He could just distinguish a figure halfway across the training space. It moved, so that must be Ichigo. He was just sitting up as well. Ishida blinked again. At least he hadn't suffered too badly from the concussion. He glanced around, sighed and raised his hand to adjust his glasses. They weren't there. He leaned forward, got on his hands and knees feeling the ground. Nowhere. He continued to feel in front of him, to both sides, back again, all around. They were...just gone? He blinked his eyes and looked around him once again. Hard ground, a bit of grass here and there, rocks, a few trees...no glasses. Ishida paused a moment. And thought again about what he saw. What he _saw_. He could see everything around him ... he could see without the aid of his glasses. For a moment, he gave though to reconsidering his opinion of the shinigami healing kidou. Looking around him once again, he noticed that he had crossed half the distance between himself and Ichigo during his search. Wait, he blinked, that wasn't Ichigo. Dark hair, white clothing... It couldn't be, but it was. He got up and ran the remaining distance between them.

"Ichigo!" he yelled. He stopped with his friend sat to see his face wide-eyed, and blinking at him. He squinted, and leaned closer, then screamed. Ichigo screamed like a girl. Wait, no. Did that mean...he screamed like a ...

"Cut it out!" he cut his thought short, and Ichigo's screaming ceased. "Sit down! We need to figure out what happened."

"You're m...I'm y..." Ichigo mumbled. "What the hell happened!"

"Stop talking nonsense in my body!"

"Shut up! I can't see!"

Ishida sighed and looked down on the ground. A few feet away lay his glasses in a bit of stray grass. "Here," he handed them to Ichigo. "Be careful with them."

"Sure..." Ichigo put them on, and sighed in relief. "At least it's not me. I thought I was going blind or something."

"Blind!" Ishida growled. "What do you mean blind?"

"Hey, I have perfect vision."

"Yes, so you do," Ishida sat down on a rock. "We have more pressing problems to deal with here."

"Yeah," Ichigo said as he sat on another rock, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees and chin in his hands. "Like what the hell happened and what we can do about it now."

"Well, at least you're attempting to think."

Ichigo glared at him.

**NOTE: Hey, I've been editing again. It was a good thing too, because it had been so long since I wrote some of those chapters it served as a good reminder of what went on. As you are reading this, please keep in mind that any pairings here are made for some purpose or other…usually so after characters switch there aren't guys paired with guys or girls switching bodies with guys, that kind of thing. I just don't want that for this story.**

**Please review!  
**


	6. Swallowing a Pit and Hitsugaya's Stomach

**I've had this chapter written for a while now. I had promised myself that I would wait until I had the next chapter written. Sorry, it was unfair for me to hold it back for so long. I rather like this chapter for some reason; at the same time, I'm not sure what in the world I was thinking when I planned it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

Chapter 6 – Swallowing a Pit and Hitsugaya's Stomach

Matsumoto had departed for her meeting shortly after a phone call from Lieutenant Isane, saying that she had to help the woman set things up. That it was her responsibility anyway, as it had been her turn to take care of the snacks; so she had said. He yelled at her as he usually did, but that made little difference; she left early anyway. A minute after lunch would have ended; he glanced out the window and saw a few Shinigami rushing back to their divisions.

Left with both his and Matsumoto's paperwork stacked on his desk, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Hitsugaya had collected it, sorted it, and hauled it over to his desk after his fukutaichou darted out as quickly as she could without resorting to shunpo. He had to admit that it was impressive, and wished she showed that kind of motivation when it came to training and division work. She even thought to remind him to take a nap. Sadly, there was no time for that, not with the gargantuan pile of paperwork staring him in the face. He looked at it forlornly. It wasn't going to go away by itself. With brush in hand, he set to work again.

Perhaps he could have it finished in time for late afternoon nap, only if he ate lunch while he worked. He did that often enough, but Matsumoto would make his lunch each time, worried that not eating would further stunt his growth—the only convincing argument she could give him to agree. He didn't relish the thought of smothering by the hands of his fukutaichou acting on the odd motherly impulse, but he relished the thought of being short even less. He would tell himself that she owed it to him. In a way, she did.

He set to doing the paperwork, put his signature on a few of them, and set them aside. Those had been their monthly supply request forms. He got a few more forms, skimmed them, added a few figures, set them aside to check his work later. They were…_What where those!_ They were different from the usual supply request forms, but quite similar. He put down the form he had picked on impulse, and retrieved the last few he had completed.

_Which forms resemble the supply request forms?_ He asked himself, not wanting to look at them again just yet. _Oh no… _Realization hit him like Zaraki training his subordinates on a bad day.

His eyes wandered down to the paper, a slow abject dread drowning him. The horrible wording he suspected stared back at him: the subtitle, "Funds Transfer" written in a smaller font directly underneath the main title, "Requisition Form." His eyes widened so much he feared they might fall out of his head. Oh how he wished Matsumoto present so he could yell at her, and possibly freeze her to her desk chair.

He had nearly signed a document that transferred half the Tenth Division's monthly supply and repair budget to the Eleventh Division. He reluctantly looked back down at the documents again. The reason listed as "for excessive destruction of property at the hands of 11th and 10th division members."

"What destruction! Where! When? Why?" he growled to the empty office, his words becoming intelligible. Massaging his temples, he slumped back in his chair.

Zaraki-taicho was rather barbaric at times, but even he wouldn't stoop to this. The man took an odd since of pride in creating those messes he made when going on his frequent fighting sprees that he didn't usually mind paying for the destruction himself—sometimes out of his own pocket. His third seat might be another matter. There was no point in addressing the crazy bald shinigami though. Hitsugaya decided to go straight to the top of the Eleventh Division, and sent the man a message via hell butterfly, not wanting to go through messengers, since they often returned battered and bloody as a consequence of disrupting the division's training time. Once request for a meeting was on its way, he set back to work.

He glanced over at the stacks of paperwork, after some time,he wasn't sure how long, and Matsumoto's stack was nearly finished. It would be time to leave for the day soon enough. He was glad that he had started with the larger stack first. In a few more short minutes, his fukutaichou's work was completed. He allowed himself a sigh of relief and accomplishment before he started back up on his own work.

On impulse, he glanced over at the couch. He shouldn't have done that, he regretting the action the moment he turned his head. It gave his mind enough contemplate the idea of being tired. And then, as if on cue, his stomach gave off a loud grumble. He looked over at the box of chocolates, having the sudden thought of taking them over to the couch and just forgetting about the paperwork for a little while. His stack was small. No one would know. Besides, wasn't chocolate supposed to have some kind of relaxing effect? Matsumoto had said that sometime or other. But, why should he believe anything she said. He sighed. _No one would know_. He hadn't eaten since breakfast. _No one would know. B_ut it was chocolate. Candy. _Still…no one would know._

Distracted by his fatigue and hunger, he failed to notice the ruckus outside his office door. He found himself sitting on the couch, a chocolate between his lips when Zaraki Kenpachi burst through his office door. He resisted the small shriek that nearly escaped, biting into the piece of chocolate instead, only to realize what he just did and drop it back into the box. His taste buds were assaulted. Sweet. Cherry goo. Bleh! Too sweet. He coughed. What were they doing in his office anywy?

"There, there kid," Kenpachi chuckled, beating him on the back, producing a stronger coughing fit, and sending the remaining bit of chocolate down his throat.

"Oh no!" exclaimed a familiar voice behind the towering captain. "Chibi-Shiro Taichou is dying!"

She leaped down and jumped behind Hitsugaya. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed hard, sending all the air out of his lungs. "Time for the Heimlich!"

_Where did she learn that? _he wondered in alarm, an odd thought considering he felt as though he was dying from her death grip, and the chocolate was long down in his stomach. Her arms where far too low for the maneuver to be effective: one fist beating into his stomach, the other his small intestine. "Ya-chiru-" he coughed again. "Yachiru-fuku-…Yachiru-fukutaicho, I'm going to be okay. Please let go of me now." She released her grip, causing another smaller fit of coughing as he felt air return to his lungs.

"I saved Taicho-chan!" she jumped up and down.

_Saved me?_ _ I suppose I can work with that though. _

"Yeah, sure Kusajishi fukutaichou, you saved me." He cleared his throat, it still sounded harsh and raspy from choking. "Ahem." _I requested Zaraki to come for some reason or other…what was it again?_

"What's this I hear about Yachiru getting C-A-N-D-Y," the Eleventh Division Captain spelled, "for dinner?"

_Hm, I'm sure that wasn't my message._ "Huh?" He failed in his attempt to buy some thinking time.

"The SWA's snack for the evening is usually her dinner. I don't mind her having snacks of C-A-N-D-Y as, well, snacks, but not as dinner."

_Oh, dinner…was that why I asked…NO!_ He reeled his thoughts back in, again. He continued to rack his brain, glancing around his office in despair. _Stupid candy! Stupid_ _Matsumoto_.

"You'd have to discuss that with my fukutaichou." Oh! He nearly stopped mid-sentence. His lieutenant! "I'm terribly sorry about that, though. Nothing I can do about it. However, while you're here. I do have something I need to discuss with you."

Zaraki raised an eyebrow at his change in tone. "You're all business, arn'cha, kid?"

"You know very well, not to call me a kid, Kenpachi-taicho." He sighed, keeping his anger in check.

"Awwwe," Yachiru cooed. "All work and no play making Chibi-Shiro-taicho a dull boy?" She bounced up and down.

"That's Hitsugaya-taicho!" He knew it was useless requesting his title from the eternally hyper Eleventh Division fukutaichou, but it was a reflex.

"Still, lighten up." Zaraki glanced down at the table near the couch where Hitsugaya had been sitting when they barged in, and picked up the box of chocolates. "Though it appears you were tryin' ta do just that."

"I was just sitting down for a bite to eat. I skipped lunch. I don't need to explain that to anyone." He crossed his arms in front of his chest indignantly.

"Yeah, yeah. It happens. Got so busy fightin' Ikkaku that I lost track of time myself. Until some hell butterfly interrupted. You know anything about that?"

Hitsugaya smiled nervously, and shrugged. "How about that!" He wasn't going to admit he did now, but he could still address the matter of the transfer forms.

"Since you're here, Zaraki-taicho…that matter I mentioned a moment ago."

"Work, work, work…"

"Uh, yes. But, the sooner you listen the sooner we can both get back to…play?" He would play the troglodyte's game if that's what it took.

Zaraki chuckled. "Yes?" He sounded genuinely interested. So you could reason with the man, after all.

"In my lieutenant's stack of paperwork, I found these forms for your division. Funds transfer requests. Do you know anything about them?" He tried to approach the subject directly, but delicately. You treated the most volatile shinigami in the Gotei 13 with kid gloves, when in your office, or any other time, for that matter. He didn't want a fight in his office. He handed him the forms, and watched quietly while the other captain looked them over, scowling.

"Don't know a thing about 'em. They must have come from Ikkaku, he and Yumichika do most of the paperwork anyway. Actually, Yumichika does. But that doesn't look like something he'd pull. So, yep, Ikkaku. Must've gotten into some fight or other and lost. Didn't want me ta know. I'll go back and beat him to a pulp for ya, no problem. I'll give these to Yumichika an' he'll take care of the messy stuff."

The paperwork is the messy stuff; Hitsugaya laughed to himself.

"And you," Zaraki continued, "go out and have some fun. Don't stay cooped up in this office. It isn't good for ya."

"Uh…okay?" Was that the equivalent of random fatherly advice? Or something else entirely? He impulsively turned to Yachiru. "Thank you, Kusa-, um… Yachiru-fukutaicho…for saving, um, my life." He glanced up at the box of chocolates Zaraki was still holding. "You can have that box of chocolates as my thanks." It wasn't dinner, but it was something. _Why am I still thinking about dinner?_

"Thanks, Chibi-Shiro Taicho! I get plenty of candy! I could always eat more!"

"Um…" he took a deep breath, feeling that wasn't enough of a thank you, even though she didn't really save his life, the thought was still there. He didn't know what he was thinking anymore. "Would you…maybe you would like to, perhaps we could spar sometime?" As a member of the Eleventh Division, he knew that she liked to fight, as the others did, nearly as much as she liked to eat.

"Sure! Chibi-Shiro Taicho! I'd really like that!" She bounced around.

_What am I thinking?_ _It's all the fault of Matsumoto. And that chocolate._

"Thanks, Hitsugaya," Zaraki chuckled. "She doesn't get many offers from our division. I'm not sure what I think about the offer of the chocolate though," he scoffed, and took one for himself. "Heh, cherry. Love the color of those things."

"Um…" Hitsugaya took note of the time, and panicking at the sudden thoughts of the color of cherries. "Shouldn't Yachiru be heading to the SWA meeting about now?"

"Yeppers!" She grinned. "But they can't start without me! We'll spar later or something Chibi-Shiro Taicho!" She left, bouncing out of the Tenth Division office.

"You need to loosen up more often, kid." Zaraki said, smirking, as he closed the office door behind him. "Thanks for the butterfly." He said from the other side of the door.

Hitsugaya's stomach felt queasy all over again. He sat back at his desk wondering what just happened. _I swear, Zaraki Kenpachi is a whole lot smarter than people give him credit. And, that is just scary._

**Please review, and let me know if any of you think the characters are too OOC. They probably are a little. I might change the genre to Humor and Parody. And, I know I need to do something about my updating habits.**


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